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by Timothy Thibodeau

 

I.

One day Clint Eastwood’s son Kyle Eastwood got together some local fans to start a football game when all of a sudden the fans screamed pig pile on Kyle. When he got up to go to his Jeep weeping as he went he yelled out his window that football is real leather but it’s not worth fighting for.

II.

Look at that man he is picking his nose, so what you never seen a man pick his nose before? I have not seen a man pick his nose in a long time. Your nutty eye, don’t know why, I bother talking to you. Stop staring at him, but he is picking his left nostril. We need to get him a tissue, you need to get your head examined.

III.

I was with God one Sunday morning, just me and the flock. Someone passed gas and the whole church started laughing but God was not laughing.  I ask God why are you not laughing, he said I heard it before.

IV.

Elvis’ father said son you can’t keep giving your money away, we need it to keep Graceland going. Elvis said that’s ok dad I will just make more money.

V.

Once when I was traveling through East Berlin I had the lonesome blues so i went to a Tavern. I had a couple of drinking and a pretty German girl came up to me and asked me what is your problem. I told her about my lonesome blues she said she had that problem too. She invited me over to her place to have some tea and sour kraut. She did the funny thing, she taught me how to make German boloney. It is the sweetest thing any girl has ever taught me. We had a real good time, we ate a lot of boloney sandwiches and when we had our fill, we laughed and joked telling each other your full of boloney. We were like a couple of kids playing and having fun but when it was done we knew it would never work out. So I packed some boloney for the trip home. Now I pan the streams for gold and hope to make a deposit at the bank.

VI.

So many people have asked me what does the 3-666 on your hand mean? The Bible says without the 3-666 on your right hand you can’t buy sell or trade. I was drunk and in my mind I was going to get food to the people who did not have the mark of the beast 666. I believe three nines 999 is the mark of the priest religion. James Bond and drinking don’t mix. Roger Moore as James Bond in the movie live and let die fights people that are into voodoo. I did a lot of foolish things when I was drunk. I’ve seen James Bond so many times I could tell you it backwards. There are a lot of people who have not read the Bible, it’s not all good news.

Thanks for reading.

 

Tim